‘37 Excuses For Why I Failed @ Bumble’ by Kathryn Hummel

Riffing off Warsan Shire

1. I’m not for the faint-hearted

2. I live in a talentless city where the best matches only shoot through

3. I don’t have the energy for a lover in every district

4. The delusion of promise is better left intact

5. Because I’m not his mother – or his – or his …

6. My status was set to ‘Don’t know yet’ but still it required commitment

7. Art is more satisfying

8. They all reminded me of somebody I used to know and I’d rather they didn’t

9. It was a hive of tragi-comedy low on the laughs

10. No one got my allusions

11. I should infinitely prefer a book

12. Small txt minimises my sense of humour

13. Because the next hit of validation’s just a swipe away

14. My good girl instinct made me feel obligated to answer

15. I ran out of fucks to give

16. Switching on my location drained my battery: without Maps I got lost all the time

17. Analogue as a style has always suited me better

18. I’m tired of having places to hide

19. Feminism was clickbait and intelligence made me ‘difficult’

20. It’s not something I think Tishani would do

21. I was going through random motions to a soundtrack I couldn’t hear

22. I gave up hope of reaching their third dimension

23. Objectification was inevitable

24. I know my name is pretty without being told

25. I lost my sense of poetry: so many good lines got thrown to the void

26. Instant company’s like crack for the isolated

27. I’m not his audience – or his – or his …

28. I didn’t want to leave what I knew for what I didn’t

29. I gave myself away too quickly

30. They seemed to like the tree more than the peaches

31. It started to feel like an unpaid content-writing gig

32. I’m not an introverted sapiosexual meme enthusiast

33. I’m lonely so I should stop doing lonely things

34. I need time to expand my selfie repertoire

35. Because we’re all single for a reason

36. I saw through people like screens to the same effect offline

37. I have arrived at my destination

From issue #10: autumn/winter 2020

About the Author
Kathryn Hummel is an Australian writer, researcher and multimedia artist constantly on roaming. Author of seven books of poems, her latest is Lamentville (Singapore: Math Paper Press, 2019). Uncollected, her diverse digital media/poetry, non-fiction, fiction, photography and scholarly research has been published and presented around the world, and has won or been nominated for the occasional prize. More info @ www.kathrynhummel.com.