‘Free to a Good Home’ by Deirdre Daly
Do you have a liking for a woman in more tweed than the last owner of a Ford Cortina? Low, muffled voice, and Dublin washed the edges out a long time ago. Will accompany owner on trips to IKEA in exchange for Swedish meatballs, but our returns policy won’t cover arguments in the car park about the best way to squeeze a king-size mattress into a hatchback. Skinny legs, but large knees. Large mole on upper lip calls to mind Cindy Crawford’s lesser cousin. Frizzy hair that creates a halo in the rain, more manic than pious. Eyesight is terrible, but if you are the unattractive sort this might work in your favour. New owner may have to aid in the retrieval of lost glasses on occasion. Be warned, her size nines will bore a hole in any pair of socks you lend her. Mouth is a smidge too large for her face, but we feel this adds character. Her love is less lace knickers and cold Prosecco, more wrinkled sheets and a footrub on the sofa. Her cooking is less haute cuisine, more a prix fixe menu from a bistro in an alley behind the Champs Élysées overrun with rugby fans lining their stomachs before a match. Her addiction to Old World wine and wearing too much eyeliner can be problematic when watching sad movies or ads for the DSPCA. Unskilled in bed, but willing and enthusiastic in approach to sex. Bought the Kama Sutra once but just to look at the pictures. What one would call a ‘trier’? Has capacity for upskilling.
If interested, she’s free to a good home.
From issue #5: autumn/winter 2017
About the Author
Deirdre Daly lives in Dublin. Her poetry has been published, or is forthcoming, in The Level Crossing, The Normal School, Minnesota Review, Room Magazine and Crannóg. She was nominated for the 2017 Irish Times Hennessy Literary Awards and named winner of the 2016 Over the Edge New Writer competition in the poetry category.
